Monday, October 12, 2009

What's in a name?

I had a lovely conversation with a friend from across the country recently. I found his email to be spectacularly entertaining, and I thought it would be fun to share on here.

Is it just me, or does the following strike you as The Worst Product Name in History?

I was listening to NPR while cooking, as I sometimes do. At some point they mentioned that the preceding show was sponsored in part by--and here it is, The Most Disgusting Product Name Ever--an herbal laxative tea someone thought would be a good idea to call Smooth Move.

In my experience many herbal teas, once steeped, turn a distinctly brownish hue. Now why, in the name of all that is holy, would anyone name a product which promises loose bowl movements, a most-likely brownish liquid, intended for oral consumption, Smooth Move? Who in their right mind would part lips and swallow Smooth Move in hopes of same?

In case I'd misheard, or it was some type of joke, I Googled and as you can see the stuff really exists.

Fasten your Depends, there'll be a Smooth Move tonight.

Now, drink up.

PS. I created the above tagline. Think they might use it?

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Hell hath no fury...

I love living in the middle of nowhere. If we have a party at our house, I don't have to worry about the neighbors complaining about the noise. Actually, to be truthful, it's more of a competition of who has the loudest music. I have the grace of my 'neighbors' (about a 1/4 - 1/2 mile away) being youthful enough to appreciate the joy of having parties.

The mind doth wander again...

Recently, I had a letter to the editor published in our local paper. I won't bother expounding on it, as it does a good enough job explaining things. I thought this letter would serve as a decent enough post that I want to include it here. I have edited it only in the regard of removing the phone number, as I don't feel that needs to be publicized on the internet. However, everything else is exactly as it published in the paper.

And now, without further ado:

My children are far from innocent. I’m not one of those delusional mothers who believes her child can do and has done no wrong. They’re kids. They make mistakes. They make bad choices.

On Sept. 17, my son played at a neighbor’s house.

We live in the middle nowhere, which means there aren’t really any kids his age nearby.

Our road had recently been pea-graveled. Being immature, like a 13-year-old with severe ADHD can be, my son, in his infinite boredom, starting throwing the pea gravel. He threw some at a passing truck for which he has been punished. From what I under­stand, it hit the man’s tires.

The driver, rather than acting like an adult, finding the child’s parents and speaking to them about the problem, decided it was in his best interest to tell my child that if he saw him on the road again, he would run him over with his truck. The driver actually felt it necessary to physically injure a child over a possible chip in the paint of his truck. Is this really what we have come to as a society?

I’ve had windshields cracked due to stones thrown from passing cars. I’m not going to run that car off the road and try to kill the driver. If the paint job on the truck was that important, why are you driving on pea gravel to begin with? If your truck is more impor­tant than human life, I’m amazed you can bring your­self to drive it, instead of hiding it in a garage where it cannot be damaged. If the sun fades the paint, are you going to try to remove it from existence?

To the driver, if you feel you deserve compensation to repair whatever damage my child may have done to your vehicle, call me at XXXXXXX. A meeting can be arranged. If you decide to follow through with your threat of running my child over, remember: if you think hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, try ra­tionalizing with a mother whose child has been in­tentionally injured.